The importance of growing tendrils: we all need a healthy emotional support system

My meditation sessions are often, initially, someone’s only emotional support system. It’s common as we get older to lack a robust emotional wellness support network. Many people have no one in their life who offers the framework of emotional strength, capacity, trust and neutral perspective needed when our emotional wellbeing gets complicated.

In my garden sweet peas are in bloom. They are delicately and gently weaving their way upwards using their tendrils as hooks through the support of a hedge, towards a space of light where they can blossom and strive in direct sunshine. Like these climbing plants we also need a support system for our growth needs. It’s important to understand how to grow delicate yet powerful tendrils in the form of emotional outreach in the first place.

Emotional outreach, like tendrils, is gentle and healthy. It doesn’t overpower the support system, it’s not saprophytic or parasitic. It is specialised to the support system in a harmonic relationship.

However, the super-paced nature of contemporary life often leaves little time for these types of meaningful connections and nurturing relationships. Societal norms and stigma surrounding mental health still persist, discouraging individuals from seeking emotional support. The prevalence of technology-mediated communication has led to a decline in face-to-face interactions. The fragmentation of family communities and the breakdown of traditional support structures contribute to the lack of emotional wellness networks

Of course there is therapy and professional help. But there is also, you’ll be glad to hear, an underused antidote for cultivating meaningful relationships. One which can build resilience, reduce stress, improve mental health and increase self-awareness.

The number 1 underused resource of emotional support I see within a wide range of people who come to me for meditation is - being part of a community of like-minded people. An off-line, in the flesh, community being the one I recommend the most, especially one which also supports growth of your local community.

In modern society, several factors, especially ‘time’ impede people from being part of a community of like-minded others. However many people don’t think of their local community at all, being more more familiar with online communities. Overcoming these barriers requires conscious effort, prioritisation of personal well-being, and actively seeking out opportunities for connection and community involvement.

I’m going to talk about the area I live in East London, and offer some proof points of the meaningful emotional support systems that are the glue within our diverse community. Especially considering that from the outside looking in it is a hard nosed East London borough.

To start with, we have a small yet committed yoga community. Led by Ciara, who like all yoga teachers has worked hard to keep a yoga business afloat in the first place. It’s so important to. show up and support your local yoga studio if you want their support to continue! To keep overheads down, our ‘studio’ is a community hall that has long seen better days. Doing yoga, sound bath and meditation by candle light and palo santo smoke to block out the 1960’s strip lighting, mahogany ceiling and musty aroma! But it doesn’t stop us from being there, no matter what our day job is, we leave our ego at the door to join together on that less than perfect floor. And at the end of the practice there’s a safe space to share what came up in the emotional processing of yoga and meditation. It’s not unusual for people to have a good cry at the end from all the meaningful energetic shifts and chemical releases. It takes half an hour for Ciara to get us all out of the place at the end, we’re busy giving hugs and catching up with people we only see once a week or at our quarterly yoga drinks - our valued group of like minded individuals has become a healthy social group.

And there’s the portrait classes in the local library. Each of the portrait sitters are chosen for their contribution to the local community. In the latest set of works the sitters were responsible individually for; supplying 250 Christmas hampers to refugees confined to run-down hotel rooms; running a charity that sources and donates clothes and essential items for babies who have absolutely nothing when they are born in local hospitals; running the local Community garden which is a green space open to everyone amidst the urban backdrop ; creating a new community hall.

Being part of the portrait class community is as much to do with perspective on life as it has to do with perspective on the canvas. Understanding the many challenges faced by other human beings in such close proximity to myself is especially life-changing. Getting to know the committed individuals who are helping others is inspiring and heartwarming.

The portrait classes are organised by Gloria, a very long standing member of the local community, she is known for having an open home for ‘waifs and strays’, which is the term she has used since she opened up her home decades ago. Her son is a famous Grime artist, Grime emerged in the early 2000s among a community of young artists in east London who wanted a sound that was uniquely theirs, evolving UK garage music. Community, creation and change always go hand in hand.

I will leave you with Gloria’s words when she spoke at the portrait open evening. She said

“ Community does not just happen. Community only happens when committed individuals in the community decide to make community happen”